Today was a day of mourning.  In South Carolina there was a funeral for Senator Pinckney who was killed by a deranged 21 year old racist. It was also the demise of celebrating the Pre Civil War South with its heinous culture of slavery as the Confederate Flag is all but obliterated from American culture.

And today traditional marriage between a man and a woman has been laid to rest in favor of a redefinition of marriage by the U. S. Supreme Court.  While no one is celebrating the loss of Mr. Pinckney, the other two deaths are being lauded and hailed as a huge progress in the evolution of American society.

Why am I sad?  Why am I not brought to tears by the Gay Men’s Chorus singing the National Anthem on the steps of the Supreme Court?  Why am I unmoved by the rainbows covering social media-and coloring the site I post my blog on?

While gay marriage is being celebrated-who is celebrating heterosexual marriage?  Even among heterosexuals marriage is losing its appeal in favor of cohabitating without any formal commitment.

My life is not a bastion to marriage.  I am one of the survivors of the record level divorce rates of the 80’s and never found anyone who could convince me to try again.  Not that I have lived a wantonly wild, sexually liberated life since then.  I have mostly been content with a solitary life of celibacy.

But I have never given up on the hope of marriage. The hope of a soul mate who truly celebrates and cherishes my soul- a companion to do life with. It is a dream to aspire to in my journey of relationships.  It is the dream-for me-of traditional marriage between a man and a woman.  Marriage as it was ordained by the Judeo-Christian God of the Bible-a Holy rite.  The transformation of fornication under carnal knowledge to sanctified, holy-dare I say blessed sex.

Today’s American culture calls my dream a fairy tale-a fantasy-a hoax.

But they would say the same about my faith in Christ too.

So today among the rainbows and #lovewins-don’t hate me for mourning.

Serenity Prayer

A while ago I wrote a blog about Entitlement and The Christian right. I blasted Christians in America for expecting to have the same treatment that they once had when they were the majority.  As Our American society becomes more secular and less “Christian” the privileges of the religious right have dwindled.  I reminded Christians that the Bible offers many spiritual blessing for living a life of faith but it also promises certain persecution and suffering as well.  I am reminded of the extended Serenity Prayer that says:

“So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him

Forever and ever in the next.


Today I realized that I am not immune from this sense of entitlement.

I have had my share of trials and tribulations in my life.  The majority of them albeit when I was rebelling in some way against God and the teachings of the Bible.  When I have chosen obedience and a life surrendered and guided by the Lord, I have experienced far more blessings than problems.

But when troubles come, and none can go through life without a few, my initial reaction is indignation.  As though, as a child of the King none should touch me. It is understandable that I should feel this way.  After all the Bible does say;

1 Peter 2:9New Living Translation (NLT)

9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

But just like the line in the Serenity prayer these promises and rewards will not be fully realized in this life, and I keep forgetting.

I must remember that the Priest I serve set the example of how to handle troubles with grace

Philippians 2:6-10New Living Translation (NLT)


Though he was God,

he did not think of equality with God

as something to cling to.


Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;

he took the humble position of a slave

and was born as a human being.

When he appeared in human form,


he humbled himself in obedience to God

and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

He also reminds me:

John 16:33 (NLT)

33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

God grant me……

obama care

I recently wrote about How Obamacare Forced Me To Be Dependent On The State .  Despite trying to avoid the grasp of government subsidized health care, I ended up on my state’s government funded health insurance.  On paper, it seemed great despite my philosophical ambivalence.  Free medical care, free prescription drugs, tests, etc. But what I saved financially was not worth the price I paid in substandard care.

My first lesson was in the enrollment process.  I mistakenly understood that I would be able to be part of one of our State’s large health organizations and asked for that as part of my application.  I was then told that I had to get permission for the health plan. I drove down to the offices of the Health Organization only to be told that unless I had been part of the plan within the last two years or had an immediate family member in the plan, I could not be enrolled.  I then tried to obtain a primary care physician through the University run program I previously had care with.  I was told I needed to get permission from that program to be accepted by my new insurance.  After sending information to the doctor I had chosen and several phone calls, I was told that unless I had a life threatening illness, they could not take my new insurance.

So, I opted for one of the three plans I was eligible for as the reality of my new program sank in and I could have none of the kind of care I was used to receiving with my private pay insurance.  When I got my new ID card I found that I was assigned to a Clinic.  When I called the clinic , they could not see me for 3 months due to the overwhelming back log of patients assigned to them.  I knew that this would mean that I would run out of my refills on my prescriptions before I could be seen by the doctor.  I had to beg and plead my previous doctor (who would no longer give me care under my new insurance) to give me an extension on my refills to cover me until my appointment.  At one point, the doctor wanted me to pay $70 out of pocket to see her just to get the refill.  There was no justification for this since I had just had a complete physical with her a few months prior.

Then, I got sick.  I had bronchitis that was impairing my breathing and causing asthma that could not be controlled.  I was also coughing up blood.  I went to the nearest Urgent Care which is what I always did with my previous insurance after trying to get an appointment with my clinic.  The clinic would not see me until the next week, although it was an urgent medical need.  The Urgent Care wouldn’t take my insurance.  So I called my insurance to find out where I could go.  They couldn’t tell me anywhere to go and suggested the nearest ER.

One of the positive outcomes of the increasing rolls of the insured is supposed to be less uninsured using ER’s.  Apparently for those on government funded programs with 3 month waiting lists to see doctors, if you are sick you are forced to go to the ER.

I spent 8 hours at the University Hospital ER and had a battery of tests revealing a spot on my lungs and bronchitis.  I got two breathing treatments so got some relief from the asthma.  The ER recommended I be seen by my primary care physician within 2 days.  Needless to say there was no availability for that so I just continued to self- treat my bronchitis.

Three weeks later, I was due for a follow-up chest x-ray and my bronchitis was getting worse.  I managed to get an appointment with the Clinic because I needed to be seen by the doctor to get an order for the x-ray.

I had to park several blocks from the clinic because there was no parking available nearby.  My breathing was not great and the long walk was tough.  When I got to the clinic, I was told I could not see the doctor because the computer system was down and I was a new patient who had to have my information entered into the system.  I trudged back to my car as my breathing worsened.

I decided that I better go back to the ER, but there was no parking available, so I decided to try back the next day. I had more tests a breathing treatment and was given more meds for my worsening bronchitis at the ER the next day.  This time it only took a couple of hours not 8.

The day after that I was finally able to see the doctor at the clinic.  I got necessary orders for my x-ray and some blood work that needed to be done for a specialist I had been referred to by my previous doctor.

The clinic doctor was also supposed to get my refills to my prescriptions updated at my pharmacy and a referral from my new insurance for the specialist.  I made a follow up appointment in one month to get the results of my chest x-ray and be sure that the referral was accepted.

When I went to the clinic one month later, my doctor was not there that day and they were supposed to cancel my appointment.  Luckily, the on call physician was willing to see me.  They, of course did not have the results of my x-ray so I had to wait until they could get the report.

The referral for the specialist that I was supposed to see in three weeks had not been done. The on call physician put in the request for the specialist.  I later found out that my prescriptions had not been sent either.  The clinic was only open 10 hours a week and I was unable to contact them about my prescriptions.

Three weeks later I was able to see the specialist who was able to write a prescription for two of my three medicines.  The specialist wanted to order some tests and after a week I am still waiting for insurance approval for the tests. Yikes!!!

After all of this I found myself with an increase in income due to relocating for a new job to work along with my business.  This was my opportunity to opt out of this horrible insurance.  I am now among the privately insured again (with premiums partially subsidized). I was never so happy to pay the price of my insurance so that I won’t have to experience the high cost to my health and well-being of free insurance.

I am more convinced than ever what an anathema socialized medicine is.



Season 5 has been an interesting journey into the world of The Walking Dead on TV.  For the first time our rag-tag group of survivors have found a bit of utopia in the dystopic world they live in.  They have found Alexandria- a beautiful community of elegant homes in manicured landscaping with electricity and hot water and food, safely tucked behind an ominous wall.

But as the strange “man of God” Gabriel says in last week’s episode “Satan disguises himself as an angel of light”.  There is an evil lurking in this shiny world.  The most dangerous form of evil is to deny its existence.   The people of Alexandria are under the mistaken impression that the only evil is the walkers outside the protective walls of their community.

They don’t believe that there could be any evil among the survivors so they do not allow anyone to be armed within the walls of the community.  They have rules and those that will not abide by the rules are exiled into the world of walkers outside the walls.

“The rules” do not allow for self-sacrifice or heroics to save and protect one another but there is a survival of the fittest creed that they appear to hold to.  Relationships among the Alexandrites seem to be shallow and forced and for the most part they isolate into their shiny granite-countered, stainless steel homes.

But they forget “the evil that men do.” I wrote in a previous blog how the anarchic world of The Walking Dead appeals to the mostly millennial and Gen-X audience who want a world without a controlling government.

As the series shows over and over the real evil is the evil perpetrated by the human beings not the living dead.  Anarchy cannot protect mankind from itself.  The selfish nature of the people of Alexandria is shown in the refusal to protect Francine from the Walkers on the constructions site and Nicholas’ every man for himself attitude on supply runs.  We are also privy to some physical abuse that is going on in Jessy and Dr. Pete’s home.  The greatest evil is, that Deanna the leader of Alexandria refuses to take action against Dr. Pete because his surgical skills are needed by the community.

Could it be that another more horrible evil is being perpetrated outside the walls by humans as well?  The naked woman tied to a tree to be fed on by walkers had to be the doings of the living not the walking dead.

It must be remembered that the Good Book says “No one is righteous—     not even one. 11 No one is truly wise;     no one is seeking God. 12 All have turned away;     all have become useless. No one does good,     not a single one.” 13 “Their talk is foul, like the stench from an open grave.     Their tongues are filled with lies.” “Snake venom drips from their lips.” 14     “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.” 15 “They rush to commit murder. 16     Destruction and misery always follow them. 17 They don’t know where to find peace.” 18     “They have no fear of God at all.” Romans 3:10-18

This is true of mankind in the real world as much as the fictional world of “The Dead” even if Gabriel tears the pages out of the Bible.


This was a historic week.  For the first time in U. S. History an American President refused to meet with the Prime Minister of Israel or even acknowledge his visit to the United States. Instead, without the consent or approval of the President, the Speaker of the House of Representatives invited him to speak to a joint session of Congress.  This was scandalous.  So scandalous that in protest and solidarity with the president, the vice president and approximately 60 Democrat members of Congress boycotted the event.

Historically the U. S. has been Israel’s strongest supporter and ally. Since World War II the U.S. has given over $121 billion   in aid to Israel.  There are political and philosophical reasons for this support, but the overriding factor is spiritual.  Eighty three percent  of Americans claim to be Christians. Because of the historic importance of Israel, specifically the Jewish roots of Christianity, the majority of Americans believe in supporting Israel.

Christians believe in the Bible.  The Bible is the historical transcript of the History of the Jewish people and the development of the Jewish sect we now call Christianity, named for Jesus the Christ or Messiah, who was prophesied in the Torah or Old Testament of the Bible. Christians understand that the establishment and protection of the nation of Israel is critical to future prophesies concerning the return of Christ and the End of the World.

Christians also believe the pronouncement of God over Israel and the Jewish nation to the father of the nation, Abraham:

Genesis 12:3New Living Translation (NLT)3 I will bless those who bless you and curse those who treat you with contempt. All the families on earth will be blessed through you.”

It seems that those who boycotted Mr. Netanyahu may have suffered a little bit of a curse based on this clip from “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon” .

The main purpose of Bibi (Netanyahu)’s  speech   was to encourage America’s support in standing up to their biggest bully-Iran.  He drew references of Israel’s past bullies the Nazi regime and the Pharaoh of Egypt. He reminded us that the price of Hitler’s regime was more than 60 million lives Jew and non-Jew as well.  He warned that Israel’s current bully Iran could cost the annihilation of the world as we know it. In other words, what is good for Israel is good for the world.

He also reminded us that this time, unlike those other times in its history, Israel is a formidable force in the world that will stand alone if necessary.

As he spoke, I reflected on the prophesies of Israel as told by St. John in the book of Revelations.  According to these prophesies Israel will stand alone against the armies of the world.

Revelation 20:9New Living Translation (NLT)

9 And I saw them as they went up on the broad plain of the earth and surrounded God’s people and the beloved city. But fire from heaven came down on the attacking armies and consumed them.

America has lost many of God’s blessings as it turns further and further from the Christian nation it once was.  Will the blessings turn to curses because of an administration that no longer supports Israel or will it continue to stand because it stands with Israel?

oscar statue

I blogged a few weeks back about how depressing the Oscar nominees were this year and how in the midst of wars and beheadings, protests and murders all over the world, Americans just want to escape.  This is evidenced by the fact that the biggest money makers  for Hollywood were all fantasy and sci-fi fare.

More than any other Oscar Award Ceremony  in history, this year’s show was charged with the reality of the world situation despite what the American movie goers voted for with their hard earned American dollars.

The first dose of reality for me was the winner for best short documentary Crisis Hotline Veterans Press 1. This was a humbling moment for me because I had entitled my previous Blog on the Oscars “And The Winner Is…The Suicide Prevention Hotline” not knowing that this film was up for an Oscar.  Making light of such a serious subject made me ashamed.  The fact that I am a mother of a veteran who suffers emotional issues, made me horrified at my blunder.

The next reality check was the winner for Best Documentary, Citizenfour-the story of Edward Snowden and his revelations about the NSA.  Seeing Glenn Greenwald holding an Oscar moved me to tears as, I reflected on how much was risked and the price that was paid to inform the American public about the immense breach of privacy that they suffered by the US government.

Laura Poitras, the Director said in her acceptance speech ,

“The disclosures that Edward Snowden reveals don’t only expose a threat to our privacy but to our democracy itself,” Poitras said in her acceptance speech. “When the most important decisions being made, affecting all of us, are made in secret, we lose our ability to check the powers that control. Thank you to Edward Snowden, for his courage, and for the many other whistleblowers. I share this with Glenn Greenwald and other journalists who are exposing truth.”

The glamour and glitz of the fantasy world of Hollywood was breached by the real world.

We were confronted by the suffering of those with ALS through the story of Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything, which won the Best Actor nod and those with Alzheimer’s Disease with the Best Actress win for Still Alice.

We wept during the powerful rendition of the song “Glory” with the realization that the fight for racial equality is not over. We were admonished to continue the fight for gender equality in the workforce by the Best Supporting Actress winner who portrayed the struggles of a single mom in Boyhood.

We were faced once again with the struggle against suicide in a cruel, ridiculing world because of The Imitation Game, which won best adapted screenplay.

It may have been the most political Oscar Award Ceremony in history, but it was also the most meaningful.  The hope is that we as individuals will take these messages and do our part to continue the fight. Just maybe, then we can have the America of our dreams and not our nightmares.


Our culture has bought a lie. That lie is that a sexual relationship is the greatest experience of our lives.  If you don’t have a sexual relationship you don’t have a life.  This lie has been around ever since the Renaissance as human society broke away from the inhibiting rules of the Medieval Church and its domination and before the Church’s dominance,  when sexuality was central to the worship of ancient gods and goddesses. This lie has grown more and more powerful and prevalent with the advent of the modern sexual revolution.  This lie is so strong that traditional heterosexual relationships are giving way to a whole rainbow of other kinds sexual relationships.

The truth is that the one relationship we were created for-the greatest experience of our lives is a relationship with God.

What is sad is that in pursuit of sexual relationships many people are committing sexual acts that inhibit a relationship with God.

This lie is not only among people that don’t really pursue a relationship with God, but sadly it is prevalent among those who call themselves Christians.  They believe that their purpose in life is to find that perfect Christian mate and then they can live their life.

As this lie has grown and it has gone further and further from the true purpose of sex for procreation and family stability, to gratification of pleasure and coupling at any cost, the shades of perversion have grown.

With the popularity of “Fifty Shades of Grey” the sexual deviation of Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism is being mainstreamed as a “normal” sexual behavior.  Those who wish to be in a sexual relationship are now buying  that these behaviors need to be a part of the repertoire of any sexual relationship.

If we continue to believe this lie we will never find peace, and joy in our lives and we will never have the assurance of eternal life with God when this life is through.  It is not too late to seek the truth and build a life on the one foundation that will not fail.

John 14:6

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

John 8:32

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

Bella and Edward wedding

“50 Shades of Grey” was the spawn of self-confessed “Twilight” fan EL James.  “Twilight” was her inspiration so it is called “fan-fiction”.  It is termed as the “adult” version of the teen love story.

If Christian and Anastasia are the grown-up version of Bella and Edward –I don’t wanna grow up.

I am not implying that the love story in “Twilight” is without toxic elements but to compare Edward Cullen to Christian Grey is a grave disservice to the vampire.

In case you live under a rock, the story of “50 Shades” is about a narcissistic sadistic man who uses his money and power to seduce and violate an innocent college student. He introduces her to bondage and sadism and rape under the guise of seduction. None of this is done with any kind of commitment , other than an agreement pertaining to the kind of abuse she is willing to suffer signed by Ana. He does eventually change his ways as the trilogy continues and gets “healed” through psychological counseling.

Edward Cullen falls in love with his prey, the one person whose blood he wants more than any other. His love causes him to protect her by guarding her from others and in “New Moon” from himself by leaving her when he realizes the danger she is in by just being around his family of vampires.  Although she wishes to be like him and be transformed into a vampire, he initially refuses to do it. Not only, because it will cost her, her life as a human but also because he believes that as a vampire he has lost his eternal soul which is a greater price. Because he believes in the Bible, he also does not want to compromise her soul by causing her to sin.  He insists that they be married before they have sex. He tries not to intervene in her friendship with Jacob except to protect her from the danger he could pose as a werewolf.  He almost hopes she will choose Jacob because a relationship with him would insure her desire to stay human.

When Edward and Bella finally do have sex on their honey moon and because of his immortal strength Bella gets bruised from the encounter, Edward is horrified.  He purposely distracts her and keeps her busy and overactive so that at the end of each day she is too exhausted to want another physical encounter.  Finally with her insistence they find a way to make love without causing her injury.

The sexual encounter creates a child, but the half-vampire fetus is too powerful for Bella’s frail human body and as the baby grows it ebbs away Bella’s life. Edward in an effort to save Bella’s life asks her to abort it.  When Bella refuses , he asks Jacob to convince her to have future children with him so she will give up on the pregnancy. Edward finally changes Bella into a vampire as her mortal life fades after giving birth by injecting his venom into her heart.

Although the story is a little outrageous the love story demonstrates the characteristics of true love not the twisted selfish love exhibited by Christian Grey.  So don’t call it “Twilight” fan fiction…even a vampire is a better lover than Christian Grey.


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